


Caught up in Chaos

by DebbieslikeOMG



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Confessions, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22169251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DebbieslikeOMG/pseuds/DebbieslikeOMG
Summary: “You don’t think your parents are going to see through how fake this is? I mean we aren’t exactly known for how well we get along.”“Don’t worry about it,” JJ assures him. “I told them we’ve only been dating for a few weeks.”“Wait, what?” Yuri snaps. “What do you mean you told them we’re dating. I thought you just wanted to go as dates. Now we have to pretend to be in a relationship?”“It’s just for the weekend."
Relationships: Jean-Jacques Leroy/Yuri Plisetsky
Comments: 13
Kudos: 59
Collections: Yuri!!! on Ice Secret Skater 2019





	Caught up in Chaos

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bitterish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitterish/gifts).



> This is my gift for Rena! I hope you like it!! and I'm so sorry it's a little late!!

Yuri gasps as his back connects with the shelving unit in the small closet. “Watch it, asshole.”

“Sorry,” JJ grins, moving to box Yuri in with his forearms. “We wouldn’t have to hurry if you didn’t play hard to get all night.”

“I wasn’t playing anything,” Yuri sneers back, gripping the lapels of JJ’s jacket. “I was waiting to see if anything better came along before having to settle.”

JJ smirks and presses a rough kiss to Yuri’s lips. “Couldn’t find anyone better than the king, huh?”

“God, you’re an ass,” Yuri growls, slipping his tongue past JJ’s lips. JJ reaches between them to unbuckle his dress pants and Yuri quickly follows suit with his own, both pushing their pants and boxers low enough to provide access to their aching members.

They haven’t seen each other in over a month, not since JJ’s parent’s last charity fundraiser when they snuck away to a very similar coat-closet. Their movements now are clumsy and rushed as they grind against one another in the dark to find completion before either of their families grow suspicious of their absence.

Their families have been close for as long as either of them can remember. Spending vacations and the occasional holiday together. Yuri even remembers a particularly dark Christmas when his grandfather had a small heart attack and the whole Leroy family came to the hospital to make sure they weren’t alone. They’re the closest thing Yuri has to extended family, although the progression of his relationship with JJ is far from familial.

Their heated hookups started shortly after Yuri’s first year of college. He managed to attend the same school as JJ, although JJ’s presence was a matter of coincidence not choice. They had always had a slightly antagonistic relationship, both competitive by nature, but college was the first time both had been truly alone.

One drunken night had led to another, and before either of them realized they had fallen into a bit of a routine. Whenever one of them was homesick or stressing out over classes they would find their way to the other. It was familiar and easy, but it always stayed at school. When they went home for breaks or holidays life went back to normal. It wasn’t something they discussed, but rather something that felt natural. They needed each other at school but going home seemed to mean business as usual.

That was until JJ Graduated last spring. Without the excuse of school their hookups changed into something of a game. Always trying to sneak away from charity dinners and fundraisers without alerting either of their families. It was exciting and new, and just the distraction Yuri craved when he was forced to attend another stuffy gathering. And while Yuri would deny it if anyone asked, he could admit to himself that JJ was probably the best lay he’s ever had.

It was easy with JJ, he didn’t have to pretend to be anything he wasn’t, and he never felt any pressure to make their arrangement more than it was. They could have these stolen moments one minute and go back to slightly antagonistic friends the next. It was uncomplicated.

As they’re trying to clean up from their latest bout JJ’s unusually quiet demeanor draws Yuri’s attention, and he’s about to break the silence when JJ does it for him.

“Hey, you’re coming to my sister’s wedding in two weeks, right?” he asks, tucking himself back into his pants.

“Duh, you think Abby would give me any other choice?” Yuri straightens his shirt and JJ reaches up to readjust his tie for him, tightening it just a little too tightly against Yuri’s throat.

“Well I was wondering if you might want to go with me.” His gaze catches on Yuri’s and a wave of heat rushes over Yuri’s face.

“Why would I go with you?” He quips. “We live on opposite sides of town. You would have to drive away from the wedding to pick me up and then turn back around.”

“I didn’t mean ride together,” JJ pouts, cocking a hip out to lean against the wall. “I meant I wanted you to come as my date.”

“Oh.” Yuri’s skin prickles at the offer. “We’re not— this isn’t like a relationship, right?” They’ve never dove into the details of their arrangement, letting each hookup pass without the need to examine it, but JJ suddenly asking Yuri out isn’t at all like him.

“Of course not,” JJ laughs, rubbing the back of his head as a crooked smile tugs at his lips. “I just thought it would be a good way to get my parents and your grandfather off our backs. I heard my aunt talking to your dedushka about trying to set you up with my cousin Rebecca again. I guess her latest relationship ended a few months ago and she felt it’s been long enough to try again.”

Yuri groans and runs a hand through his hair to try and make it more presentable. “When is everyone going to realize that when I say ‘I’m gay’ I don’t mean I’m happy? Do I have to suck a dick in the middle of dinner for everyone to understand?”

“I would wait until dessert, it’s classier.”

“Shut up,” Yuri grins, giving JJ a small push. “We can’t all have parents so cool about our sexuality that they try to set us up with both men and women.”

“You only came out a few months ago, not everyone is even aware yet. What do you say though? I told my parents I was bringing a date so they would lay off about Abby’s maid-of-honor. She’s a sweet girl, but not really what I’m looking for right now.”

Yuri studies JJ’s face as he tries to come up with a suitable reason to turn down his offer. It’s not a bad idea though. It would do the work of showing everyone in attendance his sexuality without having to do any work himself, and it would give JJ a break from his overbearing parents, two birds with one stone.

“You don’t think your parents are going to see through how fake this is? I mean we aren’t exactly known for how well we get along.”

“Don’t worry about it,” JJ assures him. “I told them we’ve only been dating for a few weeks.”

“Wait, what?” Yuri snaps, taking a small step back in the cramped space. “What do you mean you told them we’re dating. I thought you just wanted to go as dates. Now we have to pretend to be in a relationship?”

“It’s just for the weekend. The rehearsal dinner is on Friday, the weddings Saturday, and everyone goes home Sunday. I can even see about us getting separate rooms.”

“What the hell are you talking about? I thought the wedding was just at the wine vineyard outside of town.”

“It is,” JJ confirms. “And my parents rented the bed and breakfast on the grounds for the wedding party, and as my date you’re part of the wedding party now.”

“Why do you always plan things without asking? What if I said no? Wait. Oh my god,” Yuri groans. “Your parents think we’re dating. Is that why your mom looked so upset when I was talking about how hot the waiter was? I mean she looked at me like I had tried to stab her first born.”

JJ muffles a laugh with a cough as he tries to hide his grin. “She did pull me aside to check if we had broken up already. I told her we’re still new and that we weren’t ready to tell anyone yet. That seemed to put her at ease.”

“You are psychotic. You could have just asked me before hand.”

“I tried,” JJ protests. “But every time we were alone you would run away again.”

“We have phones, idiot. You could have just texted me, so I didn’t unknowingly make an ass of myself. And what about Abigail? Does she think we’re dating too?”

“I haven’t told her yet. I just told my mom so she would lay off about Bella. But Abby’s not gonna care, she understands how crazy our parents can be. If you want to tell her the truth we can, but since it’s her wedding I think it would just be easier to leave her in the dark. Then she doesn’t have to worry about trying to keep a secret on her big day.”

Yuri groans and rubs at his eyes with the palms of his hands. “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?”

“Please, Yuri. Don’t make me have to tell my parents I was lying. It’s just a weekend, and we can break up as soon as it’s over.”

Yuri glares as JJ continues to give him big puppy dog eyes. “What’s in it for me?”

“Whatever you want,” JJ says quickly, sagging in relief as Yuri’s agreement becomes evident.

“I want your car. For a whole month.”

JJ’s jaw drops and he dramatically grabs for his heart. “You’re killin me, Yuri. A whole month? What if she forgets what I look like? What if she breaks down in anger when you give her back? She’s never had another man behind her wheel before.”

“God, you’re dramatic,” Yuri scoffs. “I’m the one doing you a favor. Do we have a deal or not?

“Fine, but you have to promise that you’ll treat her nicely. I mean it, Yuri. She’s a lady and deserves nothing but the best.”

“If you don’t stop treating your car like a maiden in a romance novel, I’m gonna change my mind and ask for two months instead.”

“Fine, fine, fine,” JJ sighs. “You have a deal. I’ll text you the details in a day or two.”

Two Weeks Later

“Do you think they bought it?” JJ asks nervously, pacing in front of the large four post bed and tugging at his hair to tame nonexistent tangles.

So far, all Yuri has had to do was sit quietly while they ran through the wedding rehearsal. He’s not technically a member of the wedding party, but “dating” a groomsman means he’s included in the dinner that’s going to take place in just a short while.

“You mean the hour we just had to spend in the same room while they ran through the wedding,” Yuri scoffs. “Yeah, I think they bought it. I don’t know why you’re freaking out. This was all your idea.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t know lying to my parents would make me feel this terrible.”

JJ throws himself down on the bed next to Yuri and Yuri stifles another scoff.

“Don’t act like you’ve never lied to them before. Remember last fall when you told them you couldn’t come home for break because you had too much studying to do, but really we had concert tickets for that weekend?”

“That was different,” JJ defends. “They didn’t get all excited over that lie.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just that they’re happy I’m finally with someone. My dad said he was worried I wouldn’t ever get over my last breakup, but the truth is I just haven’t found anyone worth being with, and now that they think I’m dating again they’re both just really happy.”

“Well if it makes you feel any better my grandpa laughed when I told him I was going to the wedding as your date. He seemed to find the idea of us together pretty humorous.”

“It was probably because he knows how out of your league I am.”

Yuri reaches back for a pillow that he promptly shoves over JJ’s grinning face. “You wish. I’m so much better than anything else you’ve ever had. You’d be lucky to date someone as hot as me.”

JJ lets out a roaring laugh and bats the pillow away. “Okay, okay, you win. You’re the hottest person I’ve ever dated.”

“Fake dated,” Yuri corrects, a grin of his own tugging at his lips. “When is dinner? Should we be downstairs right now?”

JJ looks to the alarm clock on the small nightstand and frowns. “It should be starting soon. I was just hoping to enjoy a few more minutes of peace.”

“Well, you enjoy your peace, I’m gonna go eat some fancy food that I don’t have to pay for.”

-

Mrs. Leroy has Yuri trapped between the horderves table and her larger than life personality. Her smile is so genuine and kind that his heart skips a beat as she pulls back from a fierce hug.

“Oh Yuri, I just can’t tell you how happy I am that you two have finally stopped dancing around each other. I was beginning to think Abby and I were going to have to set you both up on a blind date to the other to get things moving. Although in all honesty Abby always swore there was already something more between you two.”

Yuri blushes deeply and takes a long sip from his champagne glass as his eyes scan the room for JJ. “You thought we’ve been dancing around each other?”

“Of course,” Mrs. Leroy laughs, her cheeks rosy from both the champagne and the joy of being at her daughter’s wedding rehearsal dinner. “I had a bet with your grandfather that you two would be the first down the aisle, but of course Abigail had to beat you to it, always the overachiever.”

Yuri feels overly warm, and it’s not just the alcohol. It’s the fact that he’s lying to a woman who has treated him as a son for as long as he can remember, and the fact that she seems so over joyed at the idea of a relationship that doesn’t even exist.

“So, tell me,” she gushes. “When do you think we’ll be back here for you and Jean?”

“Oh—I um, I’m not sure.”

“Mama,” JJ cuts in, coming to Yuri’s rescue with an arm around his waist. “leave Yuri alone. I told you, this is still new. We’re still getting to know each other.”

“You’ve known each other most of your lives, Jean. I didn’t realize there was more for you two to learn.”

“Well there is, and if you don’t back off, you’re going to scare him away.”

Mrs. Leroy laughs and reaches out to stroke the side of Yuri’s face. “Yuri’s practically family already. I don’t think some light teasing will scare him off, but if it will make you feel better, I’ll go find Abby and see if she’s ready to begin dinner.”

As Mrs. Leroy departs Yuri’s shame only builds, and when JJ’s hand slides to the small of his back he has to keep himself from recoiling.

“We need to talk,” he says lowly, trying and failing to keep his tone light. “You didn’t tell me your mother was already planning our wedding.”

“Just wait until after dinner,” JJ whispers back. “There’s no need to panic. No one suspects anything.”

“That’s the problem,” Yuri scoffs, pulling out of JJ’s embrace.

JJ snags Yuri’s wrist as he pulls away, releasing it quickly when Yuri’s face contorts into a snarl.

“Don’t freak out. My mom’s just had too much to drink. You know how she gets, all overly sentimental. She didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Oh, so she didn’t mean it when she said her and my dedushka have been waiting for us to get together? Or that your sister seems to think we’ve been dating longer than they know? What did you tell her? Does she know about what happened at school? Because we both agreed to keep things between us.”

Yuri’s pulse is pounding in his throat and the more he thinks about Mrs. Leroy’s hug the worse he feels. He had no idea JJ’s family would be so invested in a relationship between them. It was one thing when they could play it off as a casual thing, but JJ’s mother already seems to think things are serious.

“Just breathe,” JJ whispers, moving to block Yuri’s face from the rest of the room. “My mother doesn’t know anything, and Abby knows a little, but nothing major I promise. And we never said we wouldn’t tell anyone. I didn’t know I had to keep what was happening a secret.”

Yuri feels sick. “I can’t talk to you right now. Just leave me alone until after dinner.”

Luckily Abby is raising a champagne glass and calling for the room’s attention, so Yuri is able to step away without causing a further scene.

“Thank you all for coming,” Abigail begins, linking her arm through Leo’s. “We’re both so happy to have you all here to celebrate. Dinner is going to be served shortly, so if you could join us in the dining room we’ll get started.”

Dinner helps to brighten Yuri’s mood. He makes small talk with different members of the wedding party, catching up with those he knows and meeting others. Near dessert Abigail switches seats with a bridesmaid and wraps an arm around Yuri’s slim shoulders.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Yuri. Sorry we haven’t had a chance to catch up. I feel like I’ve been running around like a chicken with my head cut off.”

“Don’t worry about it. I can’t imagine how stressful it’s been planning the wedding.”

Abigail smiles coyly and glances to where Leo is having and animated discussion with two groomsmen. “Honestly I haven’t had to do any of it alone. Leo’s been so great about making sure things are going smoothly. I can’t imagine doing any of this without him.”

“Well it would be a bit odd to watch you up there getting married to yourself tomorrow.”

Abigail lets out a short laugh before schooling her features and looking down the table to where her brother is chatting with their parents. “Is everything okay with you two? You didn’t sit together.”

Yuri follows Abigail’s gaze and swallows back a wave of guilt. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“I still can’t believe he didn’t tell me you two were dating. I mean I figured it was only a matter of time, but I assumed JJ would have called me the minute it happened.”

Yuri lets out a strained laugh and wrings the napkin in his lap. “Why do you say that?”

“Because how over the moon he’s been for you for the past three years. I swear, if I had to listen to him cry over another failed attempt at asking you out, I was gonna lose it.” Abby grins when Yuri’s face grows warm and she takes a sip from her glass to hide it. “Don’t get bashful now, Yuri. You may be a hard one to pin down, but JJ clearly thinks you’re worth the wait.”

Yuri’s heart stutters in his chest and his eyes quickly shoot to JJ again, trying to determine if Abigail is being serious. Has JJ been trying to ask him out? Surely Yuri would have noticed if something like that was happening. 

“Just promise me one thing,” she says sternly, waiting for Yuri make eye contact again and nod before she continues. “Be gentle with him. He may act all tough, but he’s really sensitive.”

Yuri nods then politely excuses himself from the table before making his way back up to his shared room. He contemplates throwing the lock on to keep JJ out, but the other man also promised they would talk after dinner and that can’t happen if Yuri locks him out.

Yuri tries to run through everything that’s happened in the last few hours, but none of it is adding up. Why would Abigail think JJ was interested in him if it wasn’t true? And if he is why wouldn’t he have told Yuri already? Did he think Yuri wouldn’t also want more? Does Yuri even want more?

He’s been waiting and panicking for over two hours when he’s jerked awake by the sound of another room’s door closing. He doesn’t remember falling asleep, but when he checks his phone to see that he hasn’t missed any messages he grows slightly worried. Dinner must have ended by now, but with JJ still absent his apprehension begins to grow.

He takes the stairs quickly to search the dining room, but it’s empty and all the place settings have been cleared. He searches a few more rooms before he ultimately finds JJ seated on a small couch with one of the bridesmaids, their faces close as they talk in hushed voices.

He can’t make out what’s being said but when the woman reaches out to a run a gentle hand down JJ’s forearm something like jealousy coils in Yuri’s stomach. He knows logically JJ and he aren’t dating, but if everyone is supposed to think they are JJ shouldn’t be off openly flirting with someone else. What if she told Abigail, or what is someone else saw?

“Hey,” Yuri yells, his voice loudly breaking the moment between the two on the couch as the bridesmaid quickly retracts her hand.

“Yuri,” JJ says tightly, sending a nervous look to his companion. “Have you met Bella yet?”

The woman on the couch shifts to face Yuri and the light blush on her cheeks lets Yuri know he must have interrupted something intimate, and anger coils more tightly in his chest.

“No, I haven’t. Although you two seem to be getting very well acquainted.”

“I didn’t think you wanted to see me right now.”

“Well you clearly weren’t missing me,” Yuri sneers, and even though he feels like an irrational boyfriend he can’t rein it in. JJ did say they would talk after dinner and now Yuri finds him hours later with someone else.

“I think I’ll let you two clear things up,” Bella says awkwardly, detaching herself from the couch and JJ’s space. She shoots Yuri a small, almost pitying smile as she leaves, and it causes small sparks of rage to flair anew.

“So much for being my boyfriend,” Yuri retorts once she’s out of earshot.

“Last I knew, you were regretting this,” JJ shoots back, although there’s no heat to his words. “And can we not do this hear? I know you’re upset, and I know it’s my fault, but I also don’t think it’s fair to Abigail to do this where anyone can see.”

Yuri can’t argue JJ’s point. He doesn’t want to do anything to distract away from the wedding, and maybe the walk back to their room will help him calm down. He nods silently and gestures for JJ to lead the way.

The rest of the inn is quiet, already settled down for the night in preparation of the day to come, and the click of their door lock echoes loudly in the quiet space.

“I want to start by saying I’m sorry,” JJ begins. “I didn’t mean to downplay my family’s investment in our relationship, but I swear I had no idea that my mom and your grandfather used to joke about us. If I had any idea she was going to be as forward as she was, I would have given you a heads up.”

Yuri sits down heavily on the end of the bed as most of his anger drains along with his energy. It’s nearing midnight and he just doesn’t have the strength to stay angry. “What all does Abby know? Because she said some things that make it pretty clear she knew something was going on with us at school.”

“You never said it was a secret. I didn’t—”

“I know,” Yuri interjects, running a hand down his face. “I just assumed we weren’t telling anyone, so I can’t be mad that you talked to her about it. But what all does she know?”

“Just that we’ve hooked up a few times. I didn’t go into detail, obviously, but she knew it happened.”

“That’s all?” Yuri prompts, trying to discreetly ask about what Abigail said without having to actually say it. “You didn’t tell her that we were dating or anything?”

“Of course not,” JJ objects. “You made it pretty clear what was happening was casual.” JJ paces back and forth in front of Yuri, and his anxiety is so clear that Yuri swears he can feel it creeping into the space around him.

“What is that supposed to mean? We never set any rules or guidelines.”

“I know we didn’t, but that doesn’t change the fact that whenever we went home you would go right back to acting like I didn’t exist. I caught on pretty quickly to the fact that you weren’t okay with anyone knowing what was happening.”

“I’ve never treated you like you didn’t exist,” Yuri denounces, rising from the bed to face JJ. “I’ve known you since I was five. We have every other holiday together. I could never just ignore you.”

“Fine, but don’t pretend like there wasn’t a time that you were avoiding me. That first break you wouldn’t even look at me. You and your grandfather came over for dinner and you sat as far away from me as possible, and when I tried to talk to you, you practically ran from the room.”

“I was afraid that if I sat next to you everyone would know,” Yuri whisper shouts, trying to keep from disturbing the guests in the rooms adjoining theirs. “I was barely out at school, and I hadn’t even told my grandpa yet, and I don’t know. It just felt so obvious when I was with you and I was afraid that everyone would see the way I looked at you and just know.”

“I didn’t know that,” JJ whispers, taking a small step closer to Yuri. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you were already so comfortable with yourself and your sexuality, and you weren’t my boyfriend,” Yuri groans, rubbing his eyes when they begin to sting. “And you’re still not.”

“And why not?” JJ asks, reaching up to hold one of Yuri’s wrists. “Why aren’t we dating?”

“Because - because I - I never knew that was even an option,” Yuri confesses, his head swimming with new possibilities he never let himself consider. “It was always just something we did at school. I didn’t know it could ever be anything more.”

“Well I haven’t been at school for almost eight months now. What do you consider what’s been happening since then?” JJ slides his fingertips up Yuri’s arm, and Yuri’s breath catches in his throat.

“I don’t know. I honestly thought it was a game. We still weren’t talking about it, and it wasn’t like you ever pushed for anything more.”

“I skipped my last fall break to take you to a concert. Hell, I bought you front row tickets to your favorite artist. I didn’t know how much more I could do to show you I wanted more.”

“You didn’t buy me concert tickets,” Yuri defends. “You had an extra ticket and invited me.”

“I bought them for you,” JJ laughs, although it comes out slightly hysterical. 

“You didn’t tell me that.”

“I thought you knew. It’s not like I’m the one that was always going on about their musical genius.”

Yuri’s stomach gives a flip and he could swear the oxygen has started to be sucked out of the room as his lungs contract.

“Yuri, I tried everything I could think of to show you I wanted to be more. I brought you takeout when you were studying, I invited you over almost every weekend, I even took care of you the week before finals when you got sick and couldn’t leave your dorm room. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“You could have told me,” Yuri shouts, his voice just slightly too loud to be polite. “I spent the last three years thinking we were just awesome fuck buddies. I didn’t know you wanted more.”

“Yuri, fuck buddies don’t do the things we did. They don’t have movie nights without sex, or spend breaks lying to their families so they can have more time together. My last semester I kept waiting for you to ask for more. To tell me that you wanted to make things official. The first time you kissed me after my graduation I was so sure we were finally going to make it official, but then as soon as we were back with our families you went right back to acting like we weren’t anything but friends. I was devastated.”

“You never told me,” Yuri repeats, trying to cling to that small scrap of truth, but finding that the words taste like ash in his mouth. JJ’s right, what was happening at school wasn’t typical of a casual relationship. Yuri can pretend that he didn’t see the signs, that he never knew JJ wanted more, but it wouldn’t be true. They acted more like a couple at school than they ever did friends, and by pretending that he didn’t see it he was only hurting JJ, and that wasn’t fair.

“I’m sorry,” Yuri whispers, and JJ lets out a hollow laugh in response.

“I don’t want you to feel sorry, Yuri. I want to know if I’m crazy or if you have feelings for me too.”

Yuri feels light headed with all the possibilities. He never let himself imagined a world where him and JJ were anything more than fuck buddies, and the idea of it causes his chest to tighten in panic. He’s never dated anyone before, and if he managed to mess things up between them so royally already, there’s no telling how much pain he could bring JJ if they were dating.

“I don’t- I don’t know,” he breathes, but there’s a hollow ache in his chest telling him that he does know. That if given the choice between having a real relationship with JJ and nothing, he would happily jump into his arms, but that’s just the selfish part of him that isn’t thinking about all the hurt he could cause.

“I guess that’s an answer then,” JJ sighs, and although he tries to smile it comes out weak and wrong, and Yuri can still hear the pain in his voice. “I’m gonna take a walk. I’ll be back in a little while.”

JJ turns to leave but he isn’t able to make it more than a few steps before Yuri’s there to block his path. Yuri throws himself in front of the door, his arms spread wide in an attempt to keep JJ from touching its surface. “You can’t leave.”

“Yuri,” JJ sighs, managing to pack a monumental amount of pain into just one word. “Please, just let me leave. I told you how I feel but that doesn’t mean I can handle the rejection of sleeping next to you knowing you don’t feel the same way.”

“What if I did?” Yuri asks, rushing to get the words out before he loses the nerve. “What if I feel the same but I’m scared?”

JJ’s breath stutters and he makes an aborted movement to touch Yuri’s trembling hand. “You said you didn’t know. So, please, please don’t say that you do just to make me feel better. I can handle rejection, but I could never handle your pity.”

“I may not know everything about how I’m feeling right now, but I know if you walk out that door, and I don’t try and stop you, I’ll regret it. I’ll know that I messed up and I’ll wish that I had had the courage to tell you more than I do. But you must know how wrong things could go. I’ve managed to hurt you already, and that’s without even realizing it. What’s to stop me from hurting you so much more?”

Yuri sags against the door and studies JJ’s face for a reaction, praying that his weak attempt at a confession was enough to at least keep JJ in the room. That JJ will be able to read between his words enough to know that even if he’s not ready to say it he has real feelings for him too.

“The risk of getting hurt is worth it,” JJ vows, leaning forward to lightly touch Yuri’s hand, and although they’ve touched countless times a spark still travels up Yuri’s arm at the contact. “I know that things could go wrong, and we could end up so much worse off than we are right now, but I couldn’t live with myself if we didn’t try. I’m crazy about you and I know that if you give me a real chance to prove it to you, we could be something amazing.”

Yuri’s breath catches and with his free hand he hooks JJ’s neck and forces him down for their lips to meet. It’s much slower than any kiss they’ve shared before, and the heat from it pools low in Yuri’s belly as he slips his tongue past JJ’s lips.

“You could end up hating me in a year from now,” Yuri whispers, his lips still brushing JJ’s.

“Or we could end up happy,” JJ whispers back, and a brave streak of thrill races through Yuri at the thought. He’s never allowed himself the possibility of happiness with another person, but if he’s going to try, there isn’t anyone he would rather try with than JJ.

**Author's Note:**

> WOW guys, this is the first non-explicit fic I've done! and it was so hard to keep it short. I swear I have so many drafts that had to be changed bc it was just going to be wayyy too long.


End file.
